BY JAY WELLER
YOU HIRE HIM ON BECAUSE YOU THINK HE IS CHEAP
HE TELLS YOU THAT HE CAN FIX UP YOUR JEEP
BUT IT TURNS OUT HE IS REALLY A CREEP
HE’S SCOTT, THE EVIL GENIUS
HE GETS HALF OF THE PARTS AND DRAINS ALL OF THE GAS
LEAVES A FIVE GALLON CAN TO BLOW UP WHEN YOU PASS
AND PATIENTLY WAITS WITH HIS LOOKING GLASS
HE’S SCOTT, THE EVIL GENIUS
HE’LL LOOSEN THE LUGS SO OFF GO YOUR WHEELS
YOU BEGIN TO WONDER JUST WHO GOT THE DEAL
THEN A YEAR IN THE HOSPITAL EATING OATMEAL
HE’S SCOTT, THE EVIL GENIUS
HE MUMBLES ABOUT IN A STUPOR LIKE TRANCE
HE WALKS LIKE A ZOMBIE WITH SHIT IN HIS PANTS
AND SPUTTERS OUT THOUGHTS WITHOUT RELEVANCE
HE’S SCOTT, THE EVIL GENIUS
HE GOT A SMALL PART IN DAWN OF THE DEAD
PLAYING A MONSTER WITH BRAINS REMOVED FROM HIS HEAD
TO GET DOWN THE ROLE, SCOTT SAID HE NEEDED SOME HELP
THE DIRECTOR REPLIED, “JUST BE YOURSELF”.
ALL THINGS WERE WELL IN ZOMBIE LAND
‘TIL A CIGARETTE LANDED IN SCOTT’S FIVE GALLON CAN
HE HAD TO WALK HOME WITHOUT A PAYCHECK
THE DIRECTOR HAD BURNS ON HIS FACE AND HIS NECK
A JACK OF ALL TRADES, WILL WORK FOR WEED
HAD THREE DOGS ON A LEASH, HE LET FOUR GET FREED
HE WHISPERS IN CODE ON A LIVE STREAMING FEED
HE’S SCOTT, THE EVIL GENIUS
YOU DRIVE HIM HOME BECAUSE HE AIN’T GOT A CAR
THE PLACE IT LOOKS LIKE A DOG CRAPPED IN A JAR
BUT A SECRET ROOM BEHIND THE TIKI BAR
REVEALS SCOTT, AN EVIL GENIUS
THERE’S WALLS OF TV’S AND TUNNELS FOR MILES
HE’S GOT ALL THE DICTATORS ON HIS SPEED DIAL
HE’S GOT DEVIOUS PLANS ALL STACKED UP IN FILES
AND AN ARMY OF MEATHEADS TO UNLEASH HIS BILE
HE SHOUTS ORDERS TO PUTIN IN PERFECT RUSSIAN
WORKS FOUR DIFFERENT KEYBOARDS WITH HIS FEET AND HIS HANDS
HAS LEGIONS OF ZOMBIES AT HIS COMMAND
TO BREAK ALL YOUR THINGS AND LEAVE GAS OUT IN CANS
HE’S SCOTT, THE EVIL GENIUS