BY JAY WELLER
WELL, CANDY RED AND JELLY BEAN
ARE SLOPPING CREAM AT THE DAIRY QUEEN
MR FRED, ALL SHIRTS ARE SHEEN
HE WORKS DOWN AT THE QUICK ‘N CLEAN
GREASY FRIES AT THE WHITE CASTLE
NEVER MISSES THE DAILY RAFFLE
SORTIN’ BOTTLES AND DRIVIN’ SNAPPLE
I’M HEADIN’ OFF TO THE BIG APPLE
BOOK ME IN
HOTEL RITZ
MASTER CARD
WILL COVER IT
PILLS AND BUD
BUTTERED GRITS
ONLY RUNNIN’ ON DOCTORS’ SCRIPTS
WELL, CRACKER JACK AND BILLY BLADE
BE MOWIN’ GRASS ON THE PROMENADE
GOLDEN TIPS CAP FLAGS OF SATIN
JUST TO SHOW WHAT THEY WON’T BE HAVIN’
AS LAWRENCE WELK AND WOLFMAN JACK
ARE QUIETLY HAVING HEART ATTACKS
THOMAS J AND HIS SLAVES
ARE JOINED IN RUMBLING IN THEIR GRAVES
LOST THE REGAL
MICKEY MANTLE
GONE LIKE FLAME
WITHOUT THE CANDLE
YOUR HOLLOWED HALLS
RUN BY VANDALS
PARIS HILTON
TROLLS AND SCANDALS
RICHIE’S GOLDEN PARK PLACE CRAPPER
DAVID’S MOLDIN’ DUMPSTER WRAPPER
DUMPSTER DAVE COULD BE A HIGH PRICE STAFFER
BUT HE DON’T COMPREHEND THE CURVE BY LAFFER
AS A ZOMBIE HAZE FLOATS ABOUT THE RAFTERS
COMES THE GHOSTLY FORM OF THE HOODED GRAFTER
TO THE SIREN SONG, AND THE JOKER’S LAUGHTER
I WONDER THE END COME NOW OR AFTER
HOOK ME UP
ALL VEINS ARE LAID
JUST ONE NIGHT
NO MEDICAID
FILL ME UP
VAMPIRE GRADE
VODKA, JACK
AND RAZOR BLADES
THE PREACHER CLAIMS THAT JESUS SAVES
KING OF HEARTS SEZ BEWARE THE SPADE
SMELL DON’T LIE BARKS DUMPSTER DAVE
AS THE BLIND MAN BENDS DOWN IN HIS CAVE
SOME FIND PEACE IN A TWO PACK HABIT
OR OTHER FORMS OF NARCOTIC BANDAGE
I PUT MY FAITH IN A COUNTRY RABBIT
WHO SAID A OUNCE OF GOLD BE WORTH A HEAD OF CABBAGE
BEST STOCK UP
ON GUNS AND GAS
BUT KEEP YOUR DOLLARS
TO WIPE YOUR ASS
ALL LINE UP
STRIKE UP THE BRASS
AND BONES WILL CRACK
IN THE SIREN’S GRASP